covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
