yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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