my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i love accidental penises.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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