I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A+ Viking dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
