My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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