Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
