Swine flu. Run for my life!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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