so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You made out with two different species that night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
God I need to hump something, right now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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