does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
