i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just blew my weed a kiss
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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