You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
