U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
