i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
