All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
