Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
