Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
