Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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