Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
