I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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