his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
