doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
