you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
