porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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