My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
