i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
