I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How external is "for external use only"?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
