omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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