cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
