It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
