Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
