i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
