Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
