halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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