he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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