There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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