Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
