it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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