i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
