At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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