Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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