sarcasm needs its own font
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
