I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
