Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
