What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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