Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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