Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
