Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
