i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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