Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
