I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
