yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
