Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
