idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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