it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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